5 things to help children through a divorce
Divorce in today’s home can affect your children more than you think. It is important to focus on your children and not only on the divorce itself. Sometimes a divorce can get dirty, with the parents constantly arguing, and forgetting that the children are affected by the divorce too. Sometimes you can be coming from a verbally abusive relationship, and you have to remember that children are more aware of what is going on around them than you may realize. Whenever divorce is concerned it is never easy; it is not easy for the adults going through the divorce, and it is not easy for the children having to see their parents split up and leaving them wondering what will happen with them, and it is not easy for the family and friends around them.
5 things you can do and/or say to help your children through a divorce:
5. Communicate – Communicating with your children is important, it is important for them to understand what is going on.
4. Keep the same routine - It is important to keep as much as possible the same for your child. Let them be children and let them enjoy normal activities in your family routine.
3. Parent and child activities - Try to put your differences aside for a few hours with your spouse, so that your child can enjoy spending time with both parents at the same time. It is important to show your child how much you love them, and that although you are getting a divorce, you will both be there for them.
2. Let your child talk to someone else other than you – It is important for your child to be able to talk to someone else, either another family member, or a counselor or psychologist at school. Sometimes your child may not express everything to you because they may be afraid to tell you how they feel, it is important for them to talk about how they are feeling, even if it is not with you.
1. Love your children - Loving your children and expressing this to them is the most important. Sometimes through a divorce a child may feel like it is their fault, or that you do not love them. Remind them that you do love them, and tell them and show them how much you love them every single day.
Having the a clean divorce can help your children, you can communicate with them and discuss the process. Make them feel and understand that the divorce is not their fault and try to make as many few changes as possible in their everyday life activities. Keeping the same routine is important and it is important that you try to get along with your husband or wife throughout the process until you can settle your difference away from your children. A divorce is never easy, but if you can come to an agreement and try not to involve your children, this can make a big difference in their lives.
Emotionally, mentally and phycisal exhausting, grief for the loss of the person but they are still there, depression and anxiety, fear for the future, paranoia about almost anything, shock, anger, loneliness and isolation., loss of confidence and self esteem then the dirty tactics start, you realise any promises made whatever they may be will not be kept. Then the solicitor you appoint to help you get a fair share, totals up all the matrimonial assets and then know exactly what you can afford to pay for their services leaving you with little or nothing and expects you to be grateful, you realise that yours’ and their’ solicitors are working hand in hand prior to court not to get the best deal for their client but to barter for an agreement and if one party won’t budge on something at all and demands simple clauses like not being contacted at work or having their employers contacted before they agree, what it really means is that when they fail to pay court awarded maintenance, you have to spend 8 years fighting a clause before you can get an Attachment of Earnings order ( which involves contacting their employer)Oh boy is it stressful, if you survive and if you do you may still end up a gibbering wreck or an alcoholic or addicted to perscription medication or just not trusting anyone, so it totally changes your outlook, your relationships and in my case a total fear of any type of commitent.It isn’t long before you realise that court orders and judgements mean nothing and will not be honoured by your ex or soon to be ex and the courts will do little or nothing about it .and that legal justice is non existent.You notice married friends keeping away thinking you are all of a sudden after their husbands, people crossing the street so they don’t have to speak to you, invites from friends drop off so more paranoia sets in and so you avoid them.My ex told our kids, I had cheated throughout our 24 year marriage several times and he had always forgiven me but I never had, I never even thought about anyone else but him, I loved him to bits, but he put enough doubt in their mind, reminding them of times ( a week or two) he was not at home when they were younger, saying he had left me several times because of my affairs, the reality was he was away on business and we spoke everyday on the phone .and I could go on.10 years on I have never gone out with another guy, it frightens me to death, he re-married 2 months after the divorce the girlfriend he told the kids he met after he left me, reality is he was setting up a new home 6 months prior to leaving me, re-mortgaging our paid for home and hiding the money in new accounts he set up, emptying our joint bank accounts, forging my signature on our share certificates and cashing them in, selling our second home, emptying our childrens trust accounts you name it he did it, all to stop me getting anything, yet it was all my money which purchased our first home. if you want to get away with criminal activity it is easy to do it when you are divorcing as it is a civil case and you just haven’t got the energy or the money to fight a criminal case and because of the divorce the police and the CPS just don’t want to know ..and when the court awarded me the house because of his deceptivenss, it means you sell it, then pay off the mortgage ( he took out and hid) and get the very little left which goes to pay solicitors fees , so you end up with nothing.I had two friends who listened, gave me a shoulder to cry on ( when I had the energy) they accepted me whatever mood I was in, whatever I ranted about, arranged simple things like a pub meal or paid for an eyelash tint, they would sit and listen for hours and bless them smile and welcome me everytime I called, they encouraged me to fight and not give up and gave me some hope that I was not totally mad however bad it looked or sounded, they believed in me they were real GOLD friends.Just be there, listen and believe in your friend.